Thursday, December 13, 2012

Breaking up.. just some past personal thoughts..

Hi guys!!

Do you ponder about break up issues like me?? i am really fearful of relationships because of break up as they really do hurt me alot alot and i used to spend time crying non stop. i really dont know what to do but in the end i figured out doing nothing is the best seriouslu because if the guy really love you alot he will want to get you back no matter what! So i know my guy is not serious into me so he wont bother to get me back which is a sad truth i had to bear living with in the past! :((

Meanwhile i just wanna do things that i really like and enjoy like drinking my favourite drink coke light!! :D hehheheh

It's hard to really let go. I broke up with my ex of four years over a year and a half ago.I was angry that I was in love with someone that I thought wasn't in love with me. I left, afraid that deep down, he didn't want to be together, and I also did it out of spite.

He never tried to stop me. I did no contact for a few weeks, I had to pick things up from our old place, and I could barely look at him when I made the trip - I was so ashamed. I still loved him, but I was silent.

Only months later did I realize I loved this guy so much. i wasn't angry anymore. I realized he loved me and I was insecure. I tried to get back together, but he had no interest. I'd hurt him too much. He's made no attempt to contact me, whatsoever. I've tried about 4 times now, in over and year. Actions speak louder than words. If he wanted to see me, he would. He showed me how much he's moved on by doing nothing. It's like I don't even exist. Yet, the no contact helped me see that I can't rely on him and I have to do my own thing. It's the most painful thing in the world. At times you feel like you don't matter. I still mourn my actions, but at the same time, if he truly loved me, he would have gotten in touch with me. He would have tried to work things out. It took me a long time to realize that. I thought that he must still be in pain, so I should try to contact him. I don't recommend it. I found all kinds of excuses to turn things so that there was hope. In the end, I had to do something with myself in the meantime. He was, so why not me? No contact is scary as hell, but in the end it works. Look at the big picture. Figure out yourself, don't worry about what he's doing. If he comes back, or doesn't, he will show you where he is.

So just sharing some really personal thoughts here...

night !!



  1. I really like this post. I think you are a very strong person ♥♥

    1. To エミリ:Hi !! Thank you! i am not strong at all! i will still cry at times :( but thanks for your encouragement! <3
      i will work hard to improve myself and prove that i am not the old me already ! i will look forward to a new relationship soon too! :D

  2. This is really inspirational; I think you are a very brave person to be able to share such deep feelings!
    Keep on fighting - that special person will definitely come around!! <3

    1. To josephine: hi there! :D Actually i am not brave at all, i failed to face this alone at times and i will still cry over this ... anyway thanks for your kind support <33 i really appreciate this! :D i will try my best to try strong and FIGHTING!!

  3. Aww, Shermin-chan :(
    You're such an inspirational person!
    I'm always here for you if you need me to talk <3